i don’t want pity

i want to be dead

and i don’t care who knows

she asked me to smile,

and i told her i couldn’t

because my mouth is full

of ashes and broken teeth.

i can’t wait to leave

everyone who i’ve been close to

has forgotten me

or abandoned me

or ignores me

has something better

or someone better

or wants more

or less

and so i sit

here, at the bottom

looking up

at all the smiling faces

and wish it would turn to ashes

so you could see what i see.

it seems everyone has someone

to hold and to hear and to help

someone who cares

someone to pick them up

and when the world ends

everyone will have someone to hold

and I’ll hold my own ashes.

i can’t find pictures to describe how I feel anymore. so I’ll use words. until they fail me too.

and i never have to see them again

any of them

and i can disappear

unnoticed.

i wish i were deaf to the voices of others. i only want to hear music

i hate everyone.

mis0neism:

I hate that two people can’t just enjoy silence when it comes up

They make awkward conversation to fill the void that doesn’t need to be filled

They can never just sit there in silence and enjoy the peace and quiet that one rarely feels during the noisy and stress-filled day

What a shame